Real people, professional feedback.

Yesterday I went out and bought a hair colour.  This is significant to me because it is one of those things I was always going to do "when I lost the weight". 

I have been holding off on doing my hair for years thinking I should be skinny before I colour my hair.  Sounds crazy I guess but true! 

You had told me to learn to like myself now...otherwise I will be disappointed when I "lose the weight" so I am trying to do things as my rewards for small goals reached instead of when I reach my end goal. 

My hope is that this can only build my self confidence making it easier to continue to stay motivated. And maybe, just maybe I can learn to like myself just the way I am.

I have been thinking today about how much I enjoy the focus of this program. I am beginning to lose the inner voice that has labeled me as worthless when I eat foods that are not good for me.

Once the foods are no longer so negatively charged, they seem to lose their allure and quantity is much easier to control. This whole rewinding of the inner tapes is an interesting process. I bought a coat today. I did not buy the one that has extra room in it to grow or to wear a heavy sweater under.

The one I bought is quite form fitting and looks very stylish instead of lumpy and slumpy. I have been so afraid of looking ridiculous -imagine a fat person trying to look stylish- that I have kept up a very dowdy look.... Read more...

Well, this morning all of my diet friends and I got on the scale for the weekly weigh in.

They are a dysfunctional and noisy group of friends and prior to getting on the scale, i hear one of them saying"you'll be lucky if you lose anything this week...these diets never work for you"...there is another smaller voice that says"well you felt pretty healthy last week and your jeans seemed a little baggier, so maybe there is hope".

So, on to the scale and then the noise really started....I stayed the same as last week, but rather than looking at that as a "win"for a week filled with social events, the monkey chatter started, more loudly than I've heard for a long time.... Read more...

So after much debate, I stepped on the scale this morning. To my surprise I was down 4lbs than the last time I weighed myself 2 weeks ago. This is despite the fact that I'd say only 50% of the days my calorie intake has been lower than 2500.

I've been doing really well the last few days and have even been surprised at the amount of calories I'm at when I go to look at dinner I'm surprisingly satisfied with what I'm eating. I'm trying to keep in mind that this is the honeymoon stage of a new road, the challenge will be to keep it going once the honeymoon wears off. I think that's why I'm so reluctant to get excited over my progress.... Read more...

So I had a meltdown - a crying, binge eating, knock out meltdown before Christmas. And I gave up, temporarily, for two weeks. I was in such a stressed out, exhausted and emotional state that I just gave up. But somewhere in the back of my mind was a little, tiny voice that kept saying "you still want to accomplish this". Dec 27th - I reassessed and had a good hard look at why I haven't been able to accomplish this goal of weight loss for a straight 10 years. And Drew's blog post arrived at the same moment I made a discovery. I have been actively studying this "natural horsemanship" method of trainig my horse for 2 years now (my passion and my sanity).... Read more...

Today I feel like an adict that has had their fix taken away. The desire to come home and just eat today was strong. I got a letter from the government saying I owed them 3,500.00!!!!!!

Thus sending me into a spiral because I felt it was something I couldn't control. I called the 1 800 line and found out I could apeal their decission. Something I WILL be doing.

I think that because i "delt" with that monkey I was able to gain some of the control back. So, Didn't attact my fridge. lol.

Well today I went to the gym and did an exercise class. Good thing you might say, and well deep down I know you would be right it was actually a little bit of a bummer.

I have been feeling really good, and even physically feeling a tiny bit smaller. Then I had the pleasure of looking at myself in the biggest mirror on earth for 45 minutes. I hate mirrors, I avoid mirrors at all costs, today while I was doing the class all I could think about was how big I looked.

Needless to say this was a tad bit discouraging. I guess it just frustrates me to see how really far I do have to go. Makes me a little sad and kind of takes away from my good feeling roll I was on.... Read more...

So I decided to go for it and I was really happy about the decision. I was feeling really good yesterday morning, I did a good workout and then Jake and I headed over to a playdate.

The mom had a few snacks out and I snacked very little, but then after I came home I had a binge, yuck. When I was done I wanted to order pizza for dinner, but I journaled about it and let myself come to the conclusion that the new me really didnt' want pizza, but wanted a light snack before bed when I got hungry again. I was happy with that, a little peeved that I had binged, but at least I wasn't making it worse by eating a lot of pizza too.... Read more...