I Had a Binge... yuck!
So I decided to go for it and I was really happy about the decision. I was feeling really good yesterday morning, I did a good workout and then Jake and I headed over to a playdate.
The mom had a few snacks out and I snacked very little, but then after I came home I had a binge, yuck. When I was done I wanted to order pizza for dinner, but I journaled about it and let myself come to the conclusion that the new me really didnt' want pizza, but wanted a light snack before bed when I got hungry again. I was happy with that, a little peeved that I had binged, but at least I wasn't making it worse by eating a lot of pizza too.
So things went well up until about 9pm. I made a salad and had a nice salad, then I went back for some more snacks and had another small binge. I'm not 100% sure what was causing these binges, (there are a number of things it could be right now) but I'm kinda leaning towards self sabotage cuz I've been doing so well and I've been feeling so good. But what I did think about last night is what I could do next time to further minimize the binges in that scenario. I think the key is to turn off the tv and go do something upstairs. That gets me far away from the kitchen and gets me engaged in some reading or solitaire. The journalling helped me, but only after the binge to process it.
So I'm feeling a little disappointed today, but today is a new day, time to get back in the ring. Despite making my goals about eating under that cal amount 4 out of 7 days, I think in my head I'm trying to be perfect and won't give myself a free day to eat a larger amount. I guess there's also a difference between eating unhealthy meals which cause me to go over my goal intake vs binging over my intake. Really what is keeping myself limited is my urge to loose the weight...I'm getting caught up in the numbers. And I feel those numbers need to be below 2500 everyday.
I guess I need to do some more thinking on what being healthy is...or more convincing...I wish I could just rewire my brain.
Comments
The rewiring process takes
The rewiring process takes time and process... recite the term.. beginners mind... when old habitual thoughts come into play. The truth is that trying to 'figure out' why we binge or emotionally eat is often a thankless task. By that I mean that the process is often so baffling that we are much better off resigning to the fact that they will happen from time to time and simply do the 'things' that we need to do to prevent them. Assume they could happen at anytime. That you have no defense.... (of course you do... but who knows when you need it!)... happy, sad, up, down or inside out!
The take home message is that binges happen and often without reason. They may have made sense at one point in the past.. They may have started in response to overly restrictive dieting or hurt feelings. Overtime though, they begin to happen without obvious cause. So focus on the fix and on prevention rather than the 'why's'.
Post new comment