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di•et tired: (adjective)

Origin: Healthy Weights

  1. emotional state suffered by dieters
  2. hopelessness, despair, self-doubt

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Walking away from everything "weight loss"...

Submitted by Drew on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 09:12

sorrow and worry

Sharon’s story - or every dieter's story?

My frustration hit an all time high during the first few months of 2009 and I attempted to walk away from everything "weight loss" related.  I didn't give up - just took a break.  I still want to accomplish this and achieve a healthy weight.  

During my hiatus, I came to the realization that there are some really powerful reasons why I eat too much (subconscious or otherwise).  So I did a lot of reading about the reasons why people eat and the mental game of weight loss.  While I have just begun to apply some of this knowledge to myself, and I have a long way to go, I have learned a few things. 

Here a  few that bear mentioning and need some more attention:

  1. Throughout my entire life I have strongly disliked myself physically.  As a young girl I HATED my crazy, wild curly hair (I wanted sleek and straight like all my friends).  As a teen, I was tall and HATED being different from everyone else.   Even now, as an adult (my hair and I have an understanding and being tall isn't an issue anymore), there are parts of me that I truly dislike.   And why??  I don't know.  One of my goals is to learn to be at peace with me.  So many people like me, why can't I like myself?

  2. Deep down, I feel inadequate in many parts of my life.  It always sits in the back of my mind that I could be a better mom, wife, daughter.  My house isn't clean enough, my closets not organized enough.  I should bake my own bread and sew my own curtains.   I need to argue against these thoughts when they surface because they simply aren't true - just habitual.  I am really, really good at what I do.  But I know that my subconscious thoughts don't agree because whenever things go slightly wrong, I am frantic for chips. 

This is just the tiniest bit of what I have begun to deal with but I think I am on the right track.  It isn't about the food - it's about the emotions behind the food.  I want to do this right and not live my life constantly on a diet with my weight yo-yo’ing  up and down.   Thoughts?

Please see my insights and share yours with Sharon in the comment section below. Here are Sharon's other stories.

Would you like to see more stories like this on a regular basis? Let us know in the comment section below.

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Related posts:

Breaking up with food

That Look: Oh, you’re fat.

Being overweight is the badge that I have worn

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Comments

Hi all, Thanks for sharing

Hi all,

Thanks for sharing all of these thoughts -I too am still struggling wildly with trying to find the "thing" that's missing to connect these dots together. 

I too am an educated, well-liked and well-respected person in our community and yet I have a deep self loathing of myself.  I experience anger toward myself often including the image that appears before me in a mirror.  I have years of experience as well as educated myself of the "right" information on health, diet and exercise, and yet, I still continue to walk down the wrong path despite "knowing what I know".

I am also struggling often with what I see in the mirror.  My weight continues to pile on as the stress continues to grow.  The more stress, the more weight gain, and the less content I feel about my body.  My body has always been "the enemy" to me, but we've had a healthy relationship in younger years.  Now, I feel that anything I try to work toward to stay healthy fails...  I'd love to hear more from others about this and how they are managing...

I am working on trying to balance my life with healthy living, including more sleep, knowing I need to exercise (but don't), eating right and so on, but I feel I'm in a losing battle (and it ain't the weight I'm losing!)

 

Sun, 07/04/2010 - 12:41 — Anonymous (not verified)

I agree that you have to take

I agree that you have to take a step back to put things in perspective. I agree that a lot of it is emotional. And Drew, I agree with you about others' good intentions and not to hold resentment toward them. There was a calm freedom that came over me when I realized this a while back.

These are well, thought-out points that can start one on the path to fixing what we see in ourselves as wrong. My question/issue is: I've known this for some time now, but how do I actually take what I know and make it something I do. For years, I've heard and and reminded myself that you have to love yourself before anyone else can. 

Where is that line I need to cross to make changes? Is it different for everyone? I have read, watched and listened to all the reasons and solutions to improve oneself and be happy in the world of weight loss, and could call myself an 'expert' compared to other people's knowledge on the subject. Yet, I still can't turn it around in my head. What am I missing? I'm starting to feel numb to the subject and ready to give up and accept living with my fat that makes me feel miserable. What must I do to keep pushing, when does that wall in my head break? Telling myself to accept myself just feels like another thin coating added to my already thick skin that doesn't believe in myself.

Mon, 06/28/2010 - 11:14 — Kelly (not verified)
Drew's picture

Thank you for your thoughtful

Thank you for your thoughtful input.

One thing that I have learned first hand and through work with others is that much of our knowledge serves as a false sense of understanding.

Those who think they know... are the hardest to teach. (think of trying to provide wisdom to a teenager). We do this particularly with our own behaviors, thoughts, health etc. 

It is as if one thinks... I have a body and a mind, therefor i am an expert on body and mind. True, we all are experts on our own bodies and minds, but what we know pales in comparison to what we don't know. Plus, we must question what we know versus what we think we know.

Now, I don't want to get to philosophical here... so I'll state it like this: In many ways dieters are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Much like those who have this disorder know that they are safe 'now', old thought patterns prevail. 

Take a detailed look at what you know, what you think you know and if your minds eye has a tinted view. This is why help from others is so crucial. They don't even need to be experts (but it is very helpful if they are). The best kind of help is that which guides you with your current knowledge rather than suggesting they can provide more knowledge. 

Acceptance is not giving up. It is acknowledging the way things are, a clear starting point and then working to 'do' something about it.

Lastly, realize that much of your knowledge gained from supposed experts is likely flawed. I describe the process of putting the pieces of the puzzle together and throwing out many pieces that don't fit. The challenge is that these pieces sometimes reappear. 

Change your mindset from one of 'i know this' to one of 'I might know' and then ask, how good am I at these things that I do know? Realizing that you are NOT an expert will allow you to be gentler on yourself.

The reason you and anyone else is not an expert is that the science is too young to have any REAL obesity experts. Even in the scientific community there is debate over who is best to deal with this crisis. For sure it will take a multidisciplinary approach.

The sooner you stop telling yourself this is 'simple' the sooner you will forgive your mistakes.

Mon, 06/28/2010 - 12:20 — Drew
Drew's picture

Sharon, many of us share your

Sharon, many of us share your pain. Specifically responding to your insights above:

  1. 100% bang on. You have learned to be critical of yourself. Until you work around, through and beyond this, the grass will always be greener on the other side.
  2. Many of us feel a long lasting 'insufficiency. Much of this stems from years of people telling us that how we are now, is not OK.  Speak up, sit down, don't do that, do this, be lady like, quiet down, dress this way, look this way, act this way, you are too shy, too talkative and so on. We grow up learning that the way we are is is not ok. We learn to jump through the hoops of others until we create our own. Of course our own are never ending.

The feeling of deficiency pervades our lives. The is a constant gap between who we are and who we think we should be.

Those instructing us had good intentions.  Do not hold resentment towards them for this will only add to the fear, anger and stress. 1 and 2 from above create enormous stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety combined with calorie restriction leads to binge behavior either to numb the pain, end the suffering temporarily or to punish ourselves for being insufficient.

Accept yourself today. Stop trying to be someone or something else or to live up to someone else's (which often become our own) expectations.

Fri, 05/28/2010 - 08:57 — Drew

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